"Happy Hatemonger's Day"

Hang in there, this one might take a bit of explaining. See, at first I was going to do a column on the latest sex scandal in the White House. Because I'm one of those who thinks Clinton is doing fine, and I don't care if he's riding naked midgets through the Lincoln bedroom while taking snapshots of cavorting co-eds doing the merengue on the beds. As long as he's not trying to legislate what I think, which seems to be a popular pastime amongst too many politicians these days.

Then my girlfriend asked me if she was going to be in my Valentine's Day column, and I realized it was getting to be about that time. But I guess Clinton sort of fits into that theme, since he seems to be trying to spread love throughout the world, one intern at a time. If we could see Cupid's arrows, ol' Bill might be looking a lot like a pincushion right about now. Assuming that Cupid has arrows for lust, that is.

It does seem only right that I focus on Valentine's Day. See, I love to hate this holiday. This year is the first time I've ever been seeing someone on Valentine's Day. Before that, I was single and bitter...every year. So eventually I decided to start celebrating that. My friends and I would celebrate "Happy Hatemonger Day," dressing all in black, as far back as high school. In college one year, we really took off with it, layering my apartment with a styrofoam gravestone and skeleton dressed up as cupid, not to mention tons of black crepe paper. I've spent my whole life hating the holiday.

This year, I'm not single and I'm not at all bitter. I'm with Suzanne, and though I know she'd forgive me if I decided to continue hating the holiday, I really don't want to. I'm a little sad to see this love-hate relationship with the holiday go, but on the other hand, I'm so happy with Suzanne, I can't really complain about that.

Hi, Suzanne. I love you. Happy Valentine's Day. And to all of you out there who are single and bitter, I recommend the "Happy Hatemonger Day" tradition. It's not as good as being in a relationship, but having a love-hate relationship with this Hallmark holiday can be a lot of fun.

On another note, just to keep those of you who care updated, I may have an artist for my comic book proposal, and I'm getting advice and aid from a comics pro. In the second month, my semi-resolution to get published in 1998 is looking pretty good. Maybe by Con season I'll have something to announce and show around.

Randy W. Lander

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