Love in Tights
"Another Perfect Wedding"
Script for Pages 1-6
Written by Randy Lander
May 26, 1998



An overview shot of the wedding place. There are heroes and heroines in costumes wandering around and mixing, holding drinks. Among these varied and colorful people, there are: A sorcerer who has sent his astral form out to peek at the pile of gifts; the dark avenger, standing off in a corner by himself; and lots and lots of Amazon guards/bridesmaids. It is important that all the men are wearing shackles on their arms.

1 CAPTION: I'm Harold Perfect. For a long time, my job has been to create wedding events for celebrities. Catering, renting a space, picking the band, sending out invitations, keeping the press out or bringing them in...I took care of all the details.

2 CAPTION: In my arrogance, I called my business "Super-Weddings" because weddings I designed were super! Catchy, no? Unfortunately, when I picked the name, I didn't know that super-heroine Superb was marrying her former foe Trog.


In another section of the island, there are more heroes. The crowd includes ICONIC, a religious hero, and GENDER BENDER, a female hero whose costume incorporates the male and female insignia (SHE IS NOT SHACKLED). In the foreground, also shackled but dressed in an impeccable tuxedo, is a man in his early fifties. He is thin, neat and wears a goatee. This is HAROLD PERFECT.

3 CAPTION: They thought "Super-Weddings" meant something entirely different.

4 CAPTION: One thing led to another, and suddenly I faced the greatest challenge of my career: Getting all the superheroes in the world to Amazon Island without their former foes finding out about it.

5 CAPTION: Then there was the matter of the food - very important to all weddings - and making everything agreeable for everyone.


HAROLD PERFECT walks over to the banquet table, where a Kirby-tech device marked "Food Processor" is producing appetizers and drinks. PERFECT looks at the three beings assembled there with a questioning expression, eyebrows raised as if asking "what do you think?" and hands gesturing at the table. A scaled human wearing a crown and carrying a trident (KING OF ATLANTIS), a cow wearing a cape (ELLIE THE SUPERCOW) and a large humanoid stalk of broccoli (CHLORO THE VEGETABLE KING) stand next to the table. The King, who looks human enough, has a big beaming smile on his face. Ellie has the corners of her mouth turned up into a similar cow-smile, and Chloro is reaching one of the sprigs of green that make up his arm and making a "thumbs-up" gesture.

6 CAPTION: The King of Atlantis said no fish, Ellie the Supercow demanded there be no meat, and Chloro the Vegetable King screamed until I agreed to no vegetables. Thank God for Kirbytech food creators.

MAJOR THOMAS BROGUE, in full military regalia, is shopping in a store filled with huge, Image-esque guns, 12 foot tall battlesuits, glowing swords, and other high-tech and magical equipment of use to diabolical supervillains. BROGUE is the typical 70s-cliché comic-book military man, with a lantern jaw and bushy mustache and eyebrows. The sign above the counter reads "No Shirt, No Sinister Demeanor, No Service." With a firm grimace set on his chiseled face, BROGUE is inspecting a large battle-suit bristling with guns and a rocket launcher, as a hunchbacked man in an apron helps him select it.

7 CAPTION: That was a minor problem at best compared to what was coming. As often happens at celebrity weddings, unstable old flames were plotting to break up the ceremony…   (5)

Standing outside the store, which has a sign on the outside reading "Dr. Death’s House of Mayhem and Cinnamon Rolls," are HAIRY and DAPPER, the other two members of TROG's former group, THE MONSTERS THREE. HAIRY is a short (4’ tall), wiry creature with short hair all over his body and a face that resembles a terrier. He is staring in excitedly, tongue lolling out and eyes wide, his breath fogging a spot on the window. DAPPER is a pale human wearing a tuxedo and black cape. He has the typical slicked-back hair and widow’s peak of a stereotypical vampire and is staring inside intently.

8 CAPTION: …and uninvited friends who felt jilted by their former accomplice's new lifestyle were ferreting out the wedding's hidden location on Amazon Island.


HAROLD PERFECT is in the groom’s private room, where the groom is getting prepared. A nine-foot tall bulky creature, sewed together with stitches and bolts, is getting fitted into a tuxedo by an obviously robotic (think Godzilla and Mecha-Godzilla) version of himself. The creature in the tux is TROG. The robotic being is his brother, OGRE. Both men are wearing shackles on their arms and legs. OGRE can't have an expression on his robotic face, but his motions are excited and happy. TROG looks a bit uncomfortable, perhaps squinting at his reflection in the mirror, looking for flaws to be taken care of before the ceremony.

1 CAPTION: I thought the location was perfectly secure, so I was going about the normal routine, checking on the groom…

2 PERFECT: How you feeling, Trog?

3 TROG: Even newly reformed, I'm a bit nervous around all these former foes.


HAROLD PERFECT goes over to the mirror and checks his hair. While doing this, he asks a question to the two men behind him. OGRE extends a robotic arm from the middle of his chest to help adjust his brother’s bowtie (causing TROG to grimace a bit as the tie is adjusted a little tightly), and he enthusiastically yells to HAROLD PERFECT.

4 CAPTION: …and in this particular case, asking him why he'd gone from mad super-villain to fiancé.

5 OGRE: Me tell Trog, "Super-villainy only get you killed, big brother." He agree.


In the bride’s quarters, a stunning blonde statuesque woman is getting dressed in an armored version of a bride’s gown. Her hair flows out behind her, and she is smiling broadly. This is SUPERB. Several other amazons are tending to her, making sure the armor is polished and her hair is done right, etc.

7 CAPTION: Next up was a check on the bride-to-be. Her insistence on wedding in her homeland was a major hurdle at first.

8 AMAZON 1: …about Ogre?

9 SUPERB: I tried to convince mother that he was a monster, not a man, and the shackling law didn’t apply to him, but…no go.


Another Amazon enters carrying an enormous ceremonial blade for SUPERB’s rather unusual warlike bridal raiment. SUPERB talks to the other Amazon in the room, her smile turning into a bit of a grin as she shares an inside joke with her bridesmaid.

10 CAPTION: All men had to be shackled, and Ogre had an unfortunate propensity to fly into bloodthirsty rages when caged in any way.

11 SUPERB: Trog wouldn’t marry unless his brother was here, so Perfect got a robot body on loan from friends in the U.S. Military.


A military plane approaches Amazon Isle.

12 CAPTION: Had I known that friend was also a friend of Major Thomas Brogue…I would have found the robot body somewhere else.  


The wedding ceremony begins, in an outdoor setting. The audience is seated on folding chairs, a veritable forest surrounds them, and the only other artificial scenery is an altar. TROG and SUPERB stand at the altar, with a female priestess speaking the vows aloud. Both of them smile nervously. Three bridesmaids, all Amazons, stand at the left next to SUPERB, wearing expressions of seriousness. This is their duty as much as their honor. An older woman, resembling SUPERB but wearing more ornate armor and a cape instead of a dress/armor, is the maid of honor. This is her mother, QUEEN HESTIA, beaming brightly at her daughter. On TROG’s side, OGRE stands next to him as best man. The three groomsmen, all smiling in admiration at TROG, are BLACK BOW (an archer clad in black), FLAMBE' (a Frenchman made of flame in a flaming tuxedo and a flaming beret) and CENTAURIAN (a centaur). The groomsmen are of course shackled, including foot shackles on CENTAURIAN that hold him down.

1 CAPTION: The ceremony started off quietly enough…

2 PRIESTESS: We are gathered here, on the island of peace and strength…


Shot of the wedding party, as if seen from the back of the garden. The rear of the ceremony can’t be seen. OGRE, TROG, the bridesmaids and the groomsmen all turn with shocked expressions on their faces, mouths open and eyes wide. SUPERB puts her head in her hands in resigned frustration.

3 CAPTION: …but it quickly became…complicated.


5 SUPERB (THOUGHT): Oh, Great Hera preserve me.


MAJOR THOMAS BROGUE is standing in the midst of the aisle, wearing (or more properly, riding in) the enormous battlesuit that he’s purchased. There are a number of guns bristling out of it, with about four or five pointed toward the front, a missile rack popped up over the head, and energy crackling from several fissures in the suit. Think ostentatious, looking like it’s very capable of overkill. His face is twisted into a mask of anger, and he is screaming at the assemblage. The PRIESTESS looks a bit befuddled and talks back to BROGUE.

6 CAPTION: It wasn't complicated for long…


8 PRIESTESS: Uh...we haven't gotten to that part yet.


SUPERB moves slowly toward BROGUE, talking calmly, a very gentle expression on her face. Unfortunately, it does her little good, as HAIRY leaps from the trees and tackles her, howling as he does so. DAPPER, looking concerned at the forces aligned against them, materializes next to TROG. The Amazon bridesmaids have gathered around to protect QUEEN HESTIA, their shocked expressions turning once again into seriousness and determination. BLACK BOW is having a hard time reaching his bow due to the shackles, FLAMBE' stands waiting for direction and CENTAURIAN is frustrated, snorting and pulling at the chains on his leg.

9 CAPTION: …before it got more complicated.

10 SUPERB: Thomas…listen…I know you…what the--?!


TROG angrily grabs DAPPER by the neck and yells into his face. The wind from his lungs blows DAPPER's hair back, and the vampire shuts his eyes tightly and speaks through tight lips. SUPERB, with a snort of annoyance, casually throws HAIRY into BROGUE, sending them both sprawling. The rest of the wedding party is starting to get up, activate their power bands, protective cloaks, eyebeams and other super abilities.

11 TROG: RESCUE?! You idiots are trying to rescue me from my wedding!

12 DAPPER: um…i can’t breathe.

13 TROG: You’re undead! You don’t breathe anyway!



HAIRY begins hopping and dodging away in the background as BROGUE attempts to eliminate him with his arsenal. This will become a running gag in the next few panels, as they run back and forth. The rest of the wedding guests stand at ready, but seem a bit confused as to what to do. SUPERB turns and looks with concern at TROG, who is still holding DAPPER firmly by the throat and screaming at him. DAPPER has recovered a little, and looks dazed, but not so blown away by the force of TROG's lungs. The Priestess checks her watch, bored. HAROLD PERFECT has gotten up out of the audience and is moving toward the front.

1 CAPTION: It was the first time I'd had to intervene during an actual ceremony…

2 DAPPER: …you mean…this is actually your wedding?

3 TROG: YES!!!!



DAPPER embraces TROG and shouts congratulations. TROG drops the death grip on his throat and looks stunned. The rest of the guests look surprised, except for SUPERB, who looks very irritated. In the background, HAIRY and BROGUE make another pass. PERFECT is still moving toward the front.


5 DAPPER: I note you didn’t invite us?


SUPERB angrily picks up a chair and throws it at TROG, shouting at him. DAPPER mists to avoid being hit by the chair. In the background, BROGUE and HAIRY make yet another pass, with guns and rockets blazing and HAIRY dodging madly.

6 SUPERB: Hello?! These are the Monsters Two and Three, Trog! Can we stomp on them and get on with the ceremony?



HAROLD PERFECT ducks as he gets in between SUPERB and TROG. His face doesn't reflect any concern about being in the middle of this. SUPERB looks very angry, and TROG is yelling and obviously becoming irritated as well. OGRE, confused and worried by this turn of events, reaches out with his robotic arm and catches the chair before it can hit anyone. DAPPER reforms his head out of the mist and yells at HAIRY as you would for your dog, and the wolfman’s turns to look, his ears perking up (think dog being called by his master) while dodging more of BROGUE’s barrage.

7 TROG: Stomp them?! My friends?!

8 HAROLD PERFECT: Superb? Trog? A moment?

9 DAPPER: Hairy! Heel!

SFX: BRAM! BRAM! Brat-tat-tat-tat!


HAIRY has rushed to DAPPER’s side, and sits down next to him, his tongue lolling out as he pants contentedly. DAPPER forms fully into solid form again, and he pets HAIRY's head affectionately. PERFECT, his face reflecting rational calm, begins talking to SUPERB, putting one hand on her arm and another on TROG's. SUPERB looks around at the assembled superheroes and amazons in realization, suddenly sorry for her temper. TROG stares at PERFECT hopefully, hoping he can convince his bride to let this go. BROGUE stands off in the distance and stares angrily at the assembly, which seems to be ignoring him.

10 PERFECT: Superb…you're surrounded by your friends. Enemies and unfamiliar faces surround Trog.

11 PERFECT: He's let go of his past…perhaps you should let go of yours for now.


In this panel, all we can see are the faces of DAPPER, TROG, HAIRY and PERFECT. DAPPER and TROG smiling hopefully at her. HAIRY is giving her puppy-dog eyes. PERFECT gives her a smile as well.

12 CAPTION: …fortunately, I improvise well and I had a talented cast.  


As the Amazon bridesmaids slap manacles on HAIRY and DAPPER, TROG hugs his bride. She smiles and raises her eyebrows in an "oh well" gesture. BROGUE rushes toward the procession, shouting and angry.

1 CAPTION: With that problem eliminated, I was free to focus on the next one...

2 MAJOR THOMAS BROGUE: Stop that! Get away from her, you monster!


DAPPER, with an irritated expression, casually pulls something out of his coat and pushes a button on it. BROGUE's suit gives off steam and quits. He looks quite surprised.

3 CAPTION: …but Dapper had thought ahead and solved it for me.

4 CAPTION: Mental note…when you buy a battlesuit, make sure you also buy any control devices that are supposed to come with it.


The wedding procession is on again. Everyone looks happy again. In the rear of the ceremony, several Amazons are lifting the now-defunct BROGUE off his feet and moving him away. The priestess stands up at the altar and begins reading the vows again. There is a hint of sinister intent on her face.

5 CAPTION: The ceremony was on...but of course there was just one more tiny hurdle...

6 PRIESTESS: ahem…on the island of peace and strength, to witness the matrimony of these two people.


Shot of the wedding from behind the priestess. We can see the priestess from behind, and see the horns on her head. Everyone else is staring out from the panel, with a blissfully happy stare on their faces and hypnotic swirls in their eyes. This includes HAROLD PERFECT. The only person not happily staring is BROGUE, who is on his back inside the suit at the rear of the group.

7 CAPTION: ...when the amazon priestess turned out to be a devotee of Father Mayhem's Church of Chaos, I was just as hypnotized as everyone else...

8 PRIESTESS: …and chaos will reign. All will fall in flame and anarchy. In the name of Father Mayhem, I sentence you all to servitude in the army of chaos. Now say, "I do."


The priestess is knocked out as the heroic religious hero ICONIC leaps up from his seat and punches her.

9 CAPTION: …but the faith of Iconic was strong enough to deal with her…  


The guests stare at each other. There is a lot of commotion, people talking to one another. TROG and SUPERB both look distraught. ICONIC tries to calm them but is having no luck. PERFECT wades into the now agitated crowd.

1 CAPTION: …leaving us with no priestess. Iconic had the talent, but wasn't the right sex…

2 ICONIC: My powers make me aware of all religious ceremonies…so I know the rituals, but I also know they can only be performed by a woman!


PERFECT emerges from the crowd with GENDER-BENDER in tow. He points at ICONIC while saying something to explain to GENDER-BENDER. GENDER-BENDER puts her head back and opens her mouth in understanding, as if saying "oh, I get it," and fires an energy beam at ICONIC.

3 CAPTION: A minor problem when one knows how to apply one's resources.  

Before everyone's eyes, ICONIC is transformed into a female version of himself. He blushes. PERFECT thanks GENDER-BENDER and asks that everyone take their seats.

4 PERFECT: Thank you, Gender-Bender. Now…would everyone please be seated? We have a wedding to conduct!

This panel needs to show that the ceremony has passed, perhaps with an unusual border? Everyone is celebrating, eating and drinking. TROG and SUPERB are on the receiving line, receiving the kind of gifts you would expect superheroes and Amazons to give. MAJOR BROGUE is still in the battlesuit, sitting in the middle of the revelry like a centerpiece. He doesn't look pleased. But this is all background. Go nuts, have fun. In the foreground, PERFECT is looking a tad depressed. DAPPER and HAIRY stand next to him, talking to him.

5 DAPPER: What's wrong?

6 PERFECT: I've done it. The ultimate wedding challenge. There are no more challenges for me now.

7 DAPPER: Perhaps we can help.


DAPPER puts his arm around HAIRY in an affectionate manner. PERFECT looks shocked.

8 DAPPER: How would you like to arrange the first gay supervillain wedding?  

PERFECT smiles, a broad grin.

9 CAPTION: Hmm…well, perhaps there are still some challenges.