So I'm getting married. Given my dating luck in high school and college, I thought saying those words would be the last sign of the apocalypse. We've pretty much figured out the date, and it looks like May 22. Which is roughly seven months away. Sounds like a lot, doesn't it?

Apparently it isn't in wedding years (which appear to be the opposite of dog years.) Already one of the places we were interested in is booked. Seven months. I don't even know what I'll be doing this time *next* month, and somebody has already planned their wedding location more than seven months ahead of time.

Of course, it's more than just getting the place. There's the caterer, the photographer, the videographer, the dress (for her, not me...we're having a somewhat non-traditional wedding, but not that non-traditional), the tux, the music, the designated driver, the stripper, the explosives...wait...I think I got my lists mixed up somewhere in there. At any rate, there's a whole lot of planning goes into a wedding, and I'm only now beginning to realize how much.

Thankfully, we've already got a few details taken care of. We've shopped a little for rings, and since a friend of mine already took the coolest idea ever (his wedding ring is a ring with emeralds in the shape of a green lantern), I think I'll probably just go with a simple band. I tried, but I just couldn't come up with anything to top or even match a green lantern ring. We had both pretty much picked out our attendants before getting married. She's got her friend Jenne, and I've picked my friend Bengie as best man.

So I've explained to him the duties of the best man...throw the bachelor party (yeah, like that's a problem. I swear, the first words out of his mouth when I told him I was getting engaged were "Congratulations. So when's the bachelor party?"), stand up in front during the ceremony, and take care of any guests who cause a disturbance. It's kind of like having your own mob enforcer for the day. Okay, not in traditional ceremonies, but it's my wedding damn it, and I'll make the rules.

So. I'm getting married. Wow. And yet the apocalypse still hasn't come. I'm beginning to think the whole thing is a big hoax.

Randy W. Lander

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